I have been thinking about doing a blog for a while. Just thinking...and tonight I have finally decided to stop thinking and start doing!! You see, thinking is my problem. I think too much. I over think things...everything actually! It's called anxiety, & I have it :/
Whenever I feel I have this thing under control, up it comes...out of nowhere...to bite me...floor me...and it can be something so small that sets me off...something so silly, as most people would say, well at least that's what I think they would say!
Most recently I have had a feeling like people don't really know me & yes, you guessed it - it's making me anxious!! Constantly wondering what people are thinking about me & where I've come from. Feeling like they think I've had an easier journey than them, because I appear to be happy, confident, 'skinny' even! It's simply not true!
My journey has been difficult. It IS difficult. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder in my later 20's, but as soon as I received this diagnosis I could pin point it from many years earlier. In my first year of high school I was physically sick for three weeks. I have been fighting it ever since...
I have had many 'episodes' - many! Too many to get into here, and many invisible to anyone else around me. But, I've finally decided that it's time to talk...for the benefit of others, but mainly & most importantly, for the benefit of me.
I don't want to rattle on about everything right now. Things will come out as they come to be. For those of you who know me well, a little, or not much at all - stay tuned...and...just breathe...
Rachel
Love the fact you've started a blog and that you found the courage to put yourself out there. I know how confronting it is but I also know how freeing it is at the same time. It was only when I started to lose weight this time that I realised how deep my anxiety went and how I should have been diagnosed years and years ago. Blogging helps. I haven't been brave enough to touch on how deep mine goes just yet in the blog but perhaps reading yours I'll find the courage. Will be an avid reader. :)
ReplyDeleteI love you, brave girl! I know your journey has been far from easy but seeing how far you have come in such a short amount of time drives me to keep going. You're an amazing friend and I'm so proud of you for being courageous and sharing your experiences. Much love xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for starting this blog. Just from your first post, I see the anxiety I too have experienced and it's no surprise that my daughter was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder at just 4 years old. I hope to do everything in my power to help her throughout her life. She's doing well since moving schools and I can see little improvements each day. I've decided to still do the Triathlon Pink next week, even though I haven't done a lot of preparation. I told her tonight that I'm doing it for her next week, to show her that it's ok to try new things...it's about having a go, having fun and smiling. Thank you for starting your blog. Can't wait to read more about your journey :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your first post Rachel!!! Thank you for being brave enough to share one of your struggles. This program and the SWSYD crew have taught me that everyone has their own struggles on this journey. This used to be one of my "excuses" I would compare myself to others and say "but they have it easy", now I know unless I walk a mile in their shoes I have no idea what they have to overcome! I used to be one of the people you referred to in your blog, but this comes down to insecurity and jealousy I think, it's their loss, having those feelings they will never be truly happy. I think the more fabulous you are the more haters you attract. I don't know you well yet but I'm so very glad we got to have a chat on Saturday :-) You are a beautiful person inside and out! You have & continue to, work very hard to be where you are! I can't wait to read your next post xoxo, Stacey A
ReplyDeleteLove this post Rach - incredibly brave. I'm another who struggles with anxiety - it seems to go hand in hand with the bipolar :( I started a blog this week too - and plan on being open on it. It's all part of our process and working towards healing I think. You are amazing x
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